Table of Contents
Do not index
Do not index
Welcome
I have been a quiet observer of life for 33 years now. Those who know me know I am always down for an in-depth conversation that dances in and around nuance. I seek nuance as it fuels my curiosity about the world. Sometimes, my brain can be a game of balancing many spinning plates of thoughts. The plates make up an array of topics ranging from design, history (I love history), metabolic health, business, personal finance, why such a system is the way it is, and many rabbit holes of “why?” (see the blog tags for the ever-growing list). A close friend in my younger years helped me put together a cover letter for college - in it, he mentioned that I have an unquenchable curiosity. That wording has resonated with me ever since.
Around 2017, I began to write to myself to help calm my inner mind. It was chaotic and unwieldy. Half-baked ideas were tossed into pages and dropped into the depths of the hard drive. I wasn’t patient enough then to return and tend to any of them. I resisted reading into the raw energy that was spilling into the pages. Looking back, I feared my thoughts were inadequate and not “good enough.” I feared judgment not only from others but also from myself. Now that I am older, I realize nothing is ever truly “complete,” and perfection is a mirage. Everything builds on top of previous thoughts regardless of its state - it is all remixes all the way down.
This perspective has been freeing. I write more now than ever, and I find immense joy in combining many ideas into one. I wish I had reached this angle sooner, but this blog is the beginning of building thoughts in public and stopping hoarding thoughts for only myself to consume.
Seven years after writing to myself, I am ready to share bits and pieces of my inner dialog. While it is incredibly uncomfortable to do so, I believe some thoughts could be helpful for others to read. My writing voice still has a slight quiver, but with practice and time, I’ll become quicker and more confident in creating for public consumption. I am equally excited and terrified about this opportunity. It's probably the perfect combo to pursue this new medium.
The Promise
The core promise to myself is not to pursue perfection with this blog. Like an artist's studio, I want it to be free-flowing and messy. Like synapses in the brain, blog posts will connect over time as I strengthen my perspective. There will be errors in logic and, at times, rough grammar. This is meant to be a public demonstration of iterative thought. Over time, I hope that a reader (including my future self) can journey through the beginning of thought to a well-formed, concrete perspective.
Why Now?
In April of 2023, I had an accident where I was briefly hugged by death. Amidst the confusion of the accident, with blood pouring down from my ears and face, I was introduced to a foreign fear that I had never crossed. I feared I would never be the man I said I would become.
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Little did I know that from that accident, I was being sling-shotted into the deepest depths of depression, where I would be tested to the fullest extent of my being. It completely rocked my world and all the perspectives I had held.
Now - There has to be an upside to this story, right?
Luckily, while it was the most impactful of my life - it was incredibly pivotal. While recovering, I couldn’t do much. It was the first time in my life that I was forced to be patient. To sit with the day, in and out as weeks passed. I read. I wrote. I wished for a new future. I scrambled through the old notes of younger Nic, looking to see why he hadn’t taken action. Why was he betting every day that he would have some moment in his future when he would give himself permission to become himself?
The creation of this blog fulfills a desire for my future self. It's a place to be vulnerable and openly share and discuss ideas and perspectives with the hope of helping others. I aim to spur conversation and ignite curiosity.
In Closing
I am unsure where this blog will go, but I love the open-endedness of it. Each post will be another seed that I can build upon in the future. I plan to hold it as close to my inner thoughts as possible. If any of it resonates with you, please reach out. I’d enjoy the conversation to explore your thoughts further.
That said, here is a warm welcome to my inner dialog. I hope you enjoy it and that it piques your curiosity.
-nw
Hitting the publish button - My nervous system:
Oct 14, 2024 12:12 - Written in a Karma Coffee and Books on South Padre Island (get the Honeycomb Breve - its amazing) waiting to return back to KC after watching Space X’s successful attempt of catching a 27 story booster. Feeling motivated to get back and build!
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